Degrassi: Now or Never
by To Be A Necessity
Summary: Things don't look like they seem. Clare can't see clearly when she assumes Imogen and Eli are a "thing", and Jake doesn't seem that bad to get revenge with. Uses quotes from the previews of Season 11. ECLARE
1. Focus

_Focus, focus._

The tapping of my pencil wasn't the sound that I could hear; it was the whispering of Imogen, Eli's newest "friend", trying to get Eli's attention.

I'll be damned in hell for the rest of my life it seems. For once in five weeks I've seen Eli smile. But this was the first time I've seen him smile without it relating to _me_.

I miss being wanted here. Having a good relationship. I know that it's partially my fault for breaking up with him, but I couldn't deal with the stress that the relationship caused me. I felt like my life was passing my eyes while I was on a tight leash.

I don't think I minded the tight leash; I loved Eli's comfort and Eli's protectiveness of me. It proved to me that Darcy wasn't the only daughter of the Edward's family that could experience love.

Or abuse. Although Eli never hit me, I was figuratively scarred forever. _He didn't love me. He never did._

If he loved me, he would've kept trying to win my heart back. He would've sung to me from outside my bedroom window. He would've greeted me in the hallways with a polite _smile_ to show that he still cared.

Nothing was directed at me anymore. The day back from break Adam, Eli, and I talked before school.

"_So we're all good?" Eli smirked, looking between Adam and I._

_Adam smiled happily. "Heck yeah, man." Eli turned to face me, not sure of what to do._

_I nodded my head, reassuring both of us. "Yeah." I responded with a fake smile._

Eli's face turned to Imogen, looking at her with an annoyed expression. I remember that expression; the day that Mrs. Dawes paired us together for English class. Only now, she switched our partners. Imogen now worked with Eli, and I…

I worked with Jake. He was kind, yeah, but he wasn't anything out of the ordinary. He did his work and went to church; he was everything my parents could ask me to _marry_…

But I don't want him; he's charming and all, but he's not my type. At all. I don't want a clone of me in boy form.

"Clare." Jake stated, catching my attention. Apparently he called my name several times before actually getting me to look at him. "Do you want to finish this _now_, or later?"

We have a project due tomorrow based on a small monologue. I'm not in any mood to work on it, but I shrugged my shoulders.

"Later works for me; do you want to meet up somewhere?"

Jake's blue eyes shimmered for a second before he nodded his head, smiling widely. Oh good lord, he has a crush on me!

"Sounds great; why don't we give each other our phone numbers? That way we can pick somewhere to meet up later."

I nodded dully, tearing off a piece of paper. I scribbled my number on it, hoping that he wouldn't be able to make out the words.

"There you go," I say with a triumphant smile, handing him the chicken-scratch number. Jake placed his number on my desk. He looked down at the number I gave him and smiled.

"Great! So I'll call you later; cool?"

I internally screamed at myself for my coherent script, but continue to smile. "Yeah," was the only word that seemed to come out of my mouth.

The bell rang and Jake hurried to collect all of his belongings together. He seems like such a nerd; maybe this _was_ my clone…

Imogen's snarky laugh was heard about the room, and for a minute I swore I saw Mrs. Dawes smiling from her desk. This was living hell for me now. My favorite class was now my most hated…

Did it have to be this way?

_Now or Never_

Adam was talking about how Fiona was getting better, but still wouldn't talk to him. It was difficult to focus on the subject, but I knew that he needed my comfort. I owed him for it…

"I guess, my friend," I muttered to Adam from across the lunch table. "That you and I are going to be the _two_ misfits now; both wallowing in self pity."

Adam raised an eyebrow while he picked at his lunch. "Someone's very _deep_ with words it seems. Eli still on your mind?"

My eyes shot to Adam's before he could finish _his_ name. I bit my lip, trying to wait out the question.

"Yeah," I whispered, looking down at my hands. I suddenly feel panicked about the topic and hurry to ask, "Is it really all my fault for having him move on? I said that I needed _time,_ not a hundred years."

Adam sighed, leaning in the back of his chair. "It's neither of your faults. Both of you were… _disconnected_ on a level, and you both went through drastically different things in life."

My head pounded. "But—but I ruined everything," I frantically murmured, my words coming out like I was drunk. "If I could take everything back then I would because I can't move on."

Adam looked at me with concern written all over his face. I'm not sure if he understood one word I just said. "Are you okay, Clare?"

The whole room was spinning; things were starting to look so _deformed_ that I couldn't even see Adam from across the table. I slammed my hands onto the table, bringing my figure up from the chair. I could feel a hand grab onto my arm as if to keep me seated.

"I need to go." I blurted out, possibly running out of the cafeteria. Was God taking over my body or something?

I believe that I saw people watch me as I ran hallway to hallway, looking for an escape. Nothing looked the same anymore; none of the people, the teachers, the lockers; _anything._

My feet come to a halt as I see the sight before me. Imogen tucked at the sides of Eli's face, placing her mouth on his in a quick motion. I can feel my hands become sweaty as I try to move my feet in a desperate attempt to leave the scene. This wasn't how it was supposed to turn out; this wasn't what I wanted.

The front doors seem farther away than they used to be. I could hear the shouting of the guards, the heavy footsteps behind me, but my feet strode forward.

I need to get away.


	2. Too Much

They should've hired faster guards at the school; I'm not the fastest runner in Degrassi and yet I still managed to disappear without a scratch.

I guess tasers are out of question when it comes to students.

Did I really just see what I saw—the one thing I _didn't_ want to happen? Who was I supposed to go to now when I felt like crying; when I needed comforting?

Eli's family was like the family I was supposed to have; now their grasp is an inch away from my reach. Imogen just _had_ to come into the picture.

The Dot was the only place around here that actually made me calm. The coffee isn't as bad as they say it is.

The bell on the door floods so many memories into my head at once. The smell of coffee beans engulfs me in a drugged state that feels so inviting that I don't care who sees me here.

Walking up to the desk, I bump into someone, feeling warmness on the front of my shirt. My mouth opens agape as I see that I can't go back to school _now_…

"I'm so sorry," the person apologizes, and as I'm about to respond I see that I'm not the only one who cuts school.

"Jake?" I ask disbelievingly. "You cut school?"

Jake hurries to grab napkins and hesitates to clean my shirt, handing me them in my hands. I smile.

"I think it might be the same reason as to why _you're_ here; I need to get away every once in a while." Now looking at him, Jake didn't seem that bad of a kid; he might've looked similar to the old me, but we had things in common.

I dab my shirt and give up after the first try. "I guess I need to go home and wash this," I mutter to myself, laughing under my breath.

"Do you need a ride?" Jake asks. I raise an eyebrow.

"_You_ drive?" I ask. "Aren't you in my grade?"

Jake shakes his head. "I'm a junior; remember? You're the one who's the advanced tenth grader in my English class."

A warm feeling comes to my cheeks. Am I blushing? The last time I blushed was when Eli…

"Oh yeah, right." I blurt out, scratching my head. "Would you mind?"

Jake shakes his head, holding the door open for me. "Not at all," he says proudly, smiling.

Before I enter the passenger side of the car, I turn to him. "I'm sorry for the coffee incident; I don't usually do that to people I just meet."

Jake's face turned from friendly to kind, with an emotion in his eyes that I believed I saw in class earlier. "It's okay," he murmured, leaning against the car door. "It happens. Plus," he enters the driver's side of the car as I slide in with him. "You'll just have to hang out with me for longer today so that we can finish our project."

I smile widely, listening to the engine start. "I won't mind," I say without my mind's permission. Maybe this isn't so bad.

_Now or Never_

The project went easier than I thought it would; an hour passed in what seemed like minutes. Jake was actually very entertaining; he was intelligent as well. I don't understand how no one here has taken a liking to him yet; he seemed to be the perfect boy to date.

But when I laid myself down to sleep, Jake wasn't the one boy in my head; all of Eli's and my memories flooded my eyes. Every letter and every phone call replayed once again. Tears came out of my eyes more than they should have.

Lastly, before I fell asleep, the image of him and Imogen played. How could he have moved on so quickly? Was I _that_ replaceable?

My alarm blared at six in the morning as I took away all the regret from my features. I couldn't cry anymore for him; it was my turn to move on.

As long as I spent time with Jake, that hole in my heart seemed to be covered. I knew that it wasn't fair to Jake, but it wasn't like we were a couple. He was a friend; friends help friends come out of their depressing moods and replace them with happy, fun-filled thoughts.

Jake picked me up in the morning, starting the conversation very happily. We talked about things that I would've never thought about talking to with Eli; favorite paintings,_ cars_…

It got ugly before I knew it. "Have you had any boyfriends yet?" Jake asked, and I think he felt that pull something in me. My breath hitched and became stuck in my throat as I tried to calm myself down. "You don't have to answer that if it's too much…" he responds, concerned.

I put up a hand in protest as I breathe in deeply. "It's fine," I almost squeak, clearing my throat. "I've had two; neither of them worked out very well in the end." A moment of silence came over us as Jake thought about it, tapping the wheel to the rhythm of the music.

"Is one of them Eli Goldsworthy?" He asks curiously. My heart leaps out of my chest.

I know that I can't respond in words; it's already too much for me. I nod, making sure that he sees it out of the corner of his eye.

Jake mutters something to say that he acknowledged it, but then it becomes quiet again. "How'd you guess?" I ask him after I feel myself regaining control of my emotions.

Jake shrugged, pulling into Degrassi. "He always looks at you during class; it's…" he trails off, making my heart pause. "It's like he needs to say something to you but can't."

The car comes to a halt and I literally want to run into the school and hide. But instead I get out of the car in a calm matter, walk over to Jake and pull him into a hug.

I know that Jake doesn't understand it yet, but he surely will soon enough. All that I need right now is a friend.

A friend with unknown benefits.


End file.
